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Well, That Wasn't Fun

Not that I thought it was going to be, however I don't think I ever want to look at Gatorade ever again in my life. Gross.


I'll spare you all the nitty gritty prep details of my colonoscopy on Monday and just let you know the outcome.


No surprise tumors that they hadn't already seen on the CT/MRI were found (so just the one) which means still no ostomy bag, which pleases me. They did however find 5 polyps which they removed and sent for biopsy. We don't know yet if they were pre-cancerous, cancerous, or malignant, however I'm sure we'll find out soon.


As surgery looms closer and closer, I continue to get more and more nervous.


I won't be able to see my babies for entirety of my hospital stay. Nobody under the age of 17 is allowed at the hospital for visits. I don't know how to deal with that. Video chats aren't the same.


I'll be out of work for who knows how long, and while yes, Mike can support our family, my income helps pay for things like the boys swim lessons, or other enrichment for them, or hiring an electrician to come fix all the things in our house that need to be fixed, or my Amazon habit (which is mostly just organizing stuff at the moment so the house will be clean and tidy), or paying down our debt. I also really love my job and don't like the idea of being out for so long.


The idea of the unknowns that can happen are simply terrifying.


Tubes down my nose and throat while I'm awake? No, just....no. An oxygen mask is bad enough to make me panic, and I won't have Mike to calm me down. He is my anchor.


I'm going to be open for 14 hours. Yikes.


Yes, the panic is starting to set in a tiny bit. Yes, I'll be okay. I'm just processing.

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