My (big) baby boys,
The first thing I want you to know is this: I will always—always—love you.
A world where you exist and my love no longer would, is an oxymoron.
It’s impossible. I love you too much.
Whatever death turns out to be, I don’t accept that it would mean that I would no longer love you.
You must be hurt now. I know it’s hard to lose someone you love. I wish I could make it easier for you, but that’s what love does to you, it makes you vulnerable.
It makes you lose a part of yourself when someone whom you love dies.
And the hard part is that you just must live through it.
The good part is that you are stronger than you know, I know this because I have watched you grow from teeny tiny babies in my tummy to the big boys you are now. You will be all right, I have no doubt of that. Not immediately, maybe not for a while, but believe me: you will.
Don’t feel ashamed of sharing your sorrows with a good friend, they are the ones who often make life worthwhile even at the darkest moments.
Don’t hesitate to admit what you don’t know. Being vulnerable is often your contact surface to what’s most precious in life.
Try to trust: in people, in life, in yourself. Know that YOU ARE WORTHY.
Don’t seek to be rich. Seek belonging and meaningful life instead. If you also become rich in the process, that’s a bonus, but not something to sacrifice everything else for.
Take the time to do things that make you happy.
Don’t ever -completely- grow up. If you choose to have kids, they will be so thankful for your playful side. Don’t lose that.
And remember that I will live on in you.
You both have my outgoing personality, my flair for the dramatic, my eyelashes and my cheeks. You also both have my sass and sarcasm, though I will forever try to pin that one on Daddy.
Thank you, my babies, for making my life so full, so true, and so beautiful.
There’s so much I’d like to say about that that no words can possibly convey what I feel. I hope I have managed to express how amazing you are, along the way, during all these years that we have had together.
You made me more happy than I could have ever asked.
I will love you always.
Always.
xoxoxo
Mommy